You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize