it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He better not be in your backpack
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
