Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
