why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
