TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
