i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
