im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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