I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
