Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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