Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
