I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
