Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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