My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
