remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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