i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
