My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize