i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Panties = found
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