her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
