My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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