Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
