i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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