our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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