My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As shirtless as possible
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
