You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
