i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bring money and cleavage
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
