is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
