I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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