They should really pass out barf bags in church
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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