If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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