Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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