I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
