Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
