He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
