I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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