Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
