He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
