hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
