Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
