Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
