She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
