just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
