i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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