He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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