the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
