Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
