Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
