my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just got carded by a ten year old.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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