i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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