Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
