I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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