Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
