Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize