If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
