Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
