So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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