I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize