I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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