i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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