We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
