you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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