Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
