I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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