Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
