ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
