apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
