It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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