Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
