if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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