don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
