but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
