Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
