saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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