please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
