you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
