Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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