Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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