Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize