He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize