Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
