Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
