he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
