some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
