3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
