I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
