Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
