dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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