I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
then he tried to convert me to islam
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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