i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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