im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
