He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
