Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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