Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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