I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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