mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
